Words matter

In the past I didn't have the confidence to think of what I do as a business with the potential to earn an income. It always surprised me when anyone took an interest in what I did and I always felt as if they were in for a disappointment. It's probably one of the reason my previous business failed. That and a lack of funds to do it right.

I've suffered from a lack of confidence for a long time. It's not my parents fault, they have always encouraged me. It's not the King's fault, he has always been very supportive. It's me. And I never could explain it, not even to myself.

The other day I remembered a conversation I had when I was in elementary school. I was in the gifted/talented program and someone asked me what that was all about. I told her it was because I had a high IQ. It was the truth and it wasn't meant to imply that she didn't, but she took it that way, got mad, and eventually we parted ways.

I was ten or eleven but I still think about that conversation from time to time - and, if you can believe it - I still feel guilty for making her feel bad about herself.

My lack of confidence probably has everything to do with that one experience. After that it felt vain to admit that I was smart or talented or pretty. It was etched into my brain that I must think I was better than someone if I acknowledged something positive about myself that had absolutely nothing to do with them. Looking back at this point in my life I realize sure, it was her problem... but I was a kid at the time and apparently it made an impression.

After that I still made good grades, but I tried to keep that to myself. I was a good clarinet player but always felt uncomfortable and never wanted to be first chair, it's one of the (many) reasons I quit band at the end of my junior year... too much pressure. And while my best friend never shrank from using "big words", I found it awkward to use my real vocabulary because I didn't want to be different. I didn't want to put anyone off.

I was the definition of vanilla. I was so neutral that I went with everything. I got along with everyone in every circle, and it came as a shock later in life when people didn't always like me. True... I usually felt the same about them... but it didn't matter, they should like me anyway. I was a people pleaser and still can be.

I'm digressing into other things now and I want to get back to the true intent of this post, which is confidence and what it means to my business. Because I do have a business. It's in its infancy now, but I have sold merchandise and I intend to sell more.

I am going to embrace that I have talent, and believe that other people see it. If they purchase something from me I'm not somehow conning them out of money, they're not doing it out of pity, they're doing it because I'm giving them something they want.

This will be a new adventure for me. I'm putting money into educating myself, I'm working hard, and I'm stepping outside of my comfort zone. Even going so far as to think of myself as an artist and a businesswoman.

In that vein, I hate photos of myself... but it was part of my homework, and if I'm going to be sharing these photos with complete strangers I feel that I can share them with you.

When people sign up for my emails, they will receive a series of welcome emails. For the first email we were told to take a selfie that showed us at our workstations. This one actually isn't awful... I look sort of like a kewpie doll, but I don't hate it.

I love the colors in that shirt. It's one of the souvenirs I brought back from the cruise - I braved a hurricane to buy this shirt! And the angle of the photo makes me look thin. Gotta love that.

The next photo is supposed to be me overwhelmed by work. I decided if life was going to be crazy, I should have a chicken on my head. I like everything about it except me... Well, not true... I am debating whether to retake it but with a chicken on my head and one on my shoulder, holding the postcards like a hand of playing cards and looking up at the chicken. And I still might.

The final photo is me, waiting for the customer to take some kind of action. Tired of changing outfits and trying to come up with a good photo of myself, I opted for this instead, which has been a big hit with everyone...

We have the cutest chickens.

Today I bought supplies to test the waters and see if I can transfer my art onto canvas and wood to sell them as wall art in addition to the postcards. If I can then I think I can make some money because people like my photos and I'll have a more popular item to sell. Eventually I'll test glass and other mediums but I'm going to start small and grow.

So let the adventure begin... If I can make this work I'll finally be doing something I love and making money at it. It will be validating. Wouldn't that be nice for a change?